Funny Poems

My Last Pie

In the fridge there were three pies left
One for me, one for you and one for your brother
When I had the urge to go finish up my pie
I opened up the fridge to find it clean of pies
And you sheepishly defended you thought I wanted no pie!

Written/Submitted by Fion Lim.

Lather As You Go

Beneath this slab
John Brown is stowed.
He watched the ads
And not the road.

Written/Submitted by Ogden Nash.

The Germ

A mighty creature is the germ,
Though smaller than a pachyderm.
His customary dwelling place
Is deep within the human race.
His childish pride he often pleases
By giving people strange diseases.
Do you, my poppet, feel infirm?
You probably contain a germ.

Written/Submitted by Ogden Nash.

Stop Writing Me

Stop writing me,
Said my poetry.
And in reply,
I ask it why.
Your poems are all real bad,
And you lack of message makes me mad.
Everyone finds them a bore,
And once someone started to snore.
Even a monkey can be taught to rhyme,
So don’t think it a skill divine.
In fact you should not write at all.
No joy can words bring from your empty skull.
I curse at you for writing me.
For being writ by you is a curse to me.
The language English you insult.
With every word of yours that on paper fall’t.
And if today the world ends,
It is cause the world itself they do offend.
That is what my poem said,
As it was still inside my head.

Written/Submitted by Mandy.

Shy Fly

I have a fly
shes so shy
i dont like to see her cry
but she cant fly
so she has to slide trough a pineapple pie.

Written/Submitted by Lola.

I’m Sorry

Just one of those things that popped into my head after a day on messenger… lol.

I’m sorry.
I think you’re mistaken.
You’re male.
I’m female.
But I don’t like men.
I just don’t.
Yep, that’s right.
I love women.
Just like you!
You messaged me.
I think you had the wrong idea.
You think I’d be interested in you.
Nope.
Sorry.
I’m with a girl.
But if you want to talk about women,
Sure! I’ll chat!
Just don’t get the idea you have a chance.
Because you’re male.
And that just doesn’t happen.
I’m sorry.
But I’m really not.

Written/Submitted by Endless.

Lost In The Haunted Forest

The darkness has come
The light is some
The forest is dark
The scary dogs bark
I want to run from here
Due to the haunted sounds I hear
The birds are sad
Which makes me mad
Please find a way
For me to run away.

Written/Submitted by Aravind S. Nair.

One Crazy Day

Wigs and costumes,
Candy to eat,
Door to door,
For trick or treat,

Laugh and giggle,
At everything you see,
Even cross dressers,
When they try to be,

We have thugs and gangsters,
Of uncommon wealth,
Showing off blingage,
This is bad for their health,

We have singers and dancers,
And a t.v. show host,
And the awesome head bangers,
Who everyone likes the most,

We have killers and thieves,
The dying and undead,
Even weird and goofy people,
Whose name is Fred,

We have Elvis and Palin,
Witches and scarecrows,
And grumpier old men,
With warts on their nose,

We have twisted Olympics,
Of every evil deed,
We can egg vehicles,
At an unbelievable speed,

We toilet paper houses,
Screaming on bye,
We wait till dark,
So there’s no light in the sky,

We watch what we do,
Not everything is bad,
We find ways to cheer up,
Even when we’re sad,

Man it stinks to get caught,
Cause its sooo much fun,
Gosh we got pulled over,
My Halloween is done.

Written/Submitted by Curtis Miller.

My Mum

Mum you’ve always been there for me
Through the bad times and the good
If you ever told me to do something
I never would
It’s not my fault really
I guess it’s what teenagers do
But in my heart there will always be a place For You

Written/Submitted by Josh Morter.

Paintball

I feel the shots taken
all the paint wasted
all the money spent
the dodging continues
you see people get hit.

The bruises and bumps you get
when the paint splatters
nothing really matters
you feel trapped
whats going through your head?

you see snipers with scopes
are you gonna get hit
might as well go prone
duck in the snake pits
but you get hit in the leg

its only you alone
verse 6 guys
what do you do?
you just sit and watch until they come
what do you know, you shoot a guy..

Written/Submitted by Brandon Jakob.

Page 1 of 212