Funny Christmas Poems

The Cost of Christmas

Christmas is coming soon,
so much to get, so much to do
Clothes to buy for my 3 boys,
Thats as well as all there toys,
However will i manage, one things for sure
I wont be doing this much no more
So many gifts the list is quiet long
A snooker table,a bike & a phone
Thats just to name a few
I think to myself what will i do
But somehow you get there, what ever the cost
Then Christmas day comes, and goes just as fast
you think to yourself my god at last
then you look at your bills, they make you feel sick
So you work all year round to pay them all off
By then its September
all this worry you don’t remember
then you do it all again
ready for december.

Written/Submitted by Traceybilsbarrow.

Christmas And New Year Poem

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The punch and the candy, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d not said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
“Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Submitted/Written by – Christmas Poet

I’ll be Cloned for Christmas

I’ll be cloned for Christmas
You can count many me’s!
Please have plenty of food for my multiple brood
And lots of presents for the many me’s to appease!

Christmas Eve will find the many me’s
Where the family screams!
I’ll be cloned for Christmas
But only in multiplying extremes!

Written/Submitted by Hubert Wilson.

Funny Chat Up Poem

During the fifteen minute
gap between
and Maths
I asked Pamela Whitehorn
If she would like to go to the pictures.
With me?
Another case of break failure.

Written/Submitted by John Coldwell.